Untitled ( Part 13 ) Ticking

I don't find ticking easy.



Some girls only have to think about something and it falls into their lap but I have to concentrate. That's why some days I go hungry and thirsty. Because we have no choice. We tick or we starve.


So that's why I try to put lots of effort into it on Moon Day. I don't like being hungry as much as I don't like double helmet. I'm thin enough and I don't want to get any thinner.


Coin was levitating and I was stuck to the floor trying to manifest an apple. It can take me hours to be able to manifest anything on a bad day and I have never even got as much as an inch off the ground. That's the difference between me and a lot of the others. Some of them can manifest apples in their sleep.



The problem is that I am always thinking about something else. I always have thoughts zooming through my mind. To tick you have to have a clear mind and mine is the opposite. I have a cluttered mind. Sometimes I think that all the other girls are blank. Blank like white walls. And that's why they are always levitating and moving things around and have full stomachs all the time. They are so far ahead of me I worry that one day they will develop their own secret language that only they can understand and that I will be left behind. A secret blinking code or one involving complicated but secretive hand gestures.


And I couldn't stop thinking about Rhyme. And how she was laying face down on the floor with one eye open and the other one closed.



My apple appeared and then disappeared and then appeared again. Coin was still floating up near the ceiling and had manifested a bluebird. She was rolling it around in her hands like it was a small ball and not a bird at all. I was half expecting it to turn into something else at any moment. A plant or a jug of water or a bowl of strawberries. But it remained a bird and my apple remained half there and half not there.


Her ghoul was hidden out of sight, somewhere behind her back. I couldn't even see any of it poking out. But I knew it was there, I could feel it. And I didn't like that feeling because it reminded me of the one that had got away and what he had said to me.


Nobody should be able to see us.



Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe something has gone wrong. Or maybe there's something wrong with me and I'm seeing something that isn't really there at all.

And there's nothing on anybody's back and never was to begin with.